room to grow

We're constantly evolving. I like that about us.

I have friends who are all in states of transition. Who we become sometimes means we say goodbye to the older versions of ourselves. It's difficult because in some cases, it may take a lot of time to fully accept this within ourselves. I have friends who are making changes - big changes - but still expect things to be like they were. I never know what to say to this. I don't want to bullshit them and say that they can have it both ways because most of the time, you can't. As a friend, what do you say, if anything?

I have other friends who are going through changes where the people around them don't want to accept the new person they are becoming. That's even tougher because sometimes if people can't accept us for who we are becoming, we run the risk of second guessing change and going back to who we once were. I get sad sometimes when I see a friend of mine striking out on their own and claiming a certain independence, only to be influenced by the judgment of others. I wish there was a way to make them see that those voices don't matter, but I've been there. I know what it's like to let the weight of other voices hold me down. It would be hypocritical to say I'm cured because I know I am not, even if I'm getting much better at handling the pressure.

I still feel that pressure, and sometimes I have to remind myself that the direction I've chosen is ultimately for the better. I can't change the fact that despite whatever I choose for myself, people are going to see me the way they want to see me. Some of them will refuse to see me as anything else. I have to accept this and realize I can only change me, not others... but I also have to stay determined and focused, to not let this deter me from what I want in life. Change is necessary. It might not be easy, but what in life is?

So, change will happen, again and again. Big changes, little ones. Sacrifices might be made. Friendships may evolve - or fade altogether. When we decide who we are to become, we do this for ourselves. We don't base our decisions on what will benefit everyone around us because ultimately that isn't fair to ourselves. And that's okay. Listening to what you want and allowing yourself to grow is an important step in growing up. And as old as we become, there is always room to grow.