Courtesy of Passport Magazine
We all know someone who arranges CDs in meticulous order, or hangs shirts according to color and style. In The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes, author Fredric Joss Shelley goes them one better, and presents main character Jack Bradley’s lovers, ex-lovers, and wannabe lovers in twenty-six chapters with an A to Z format. The results are alternately hilarious and sweetly touching, making this debut novel a must-read.
From Aaron, the “A” of the list, is the one lettered lover whose presence pervades the book; All the way to Zack, all of Jack's encounters are filtered through Shelley’s wit and laugh-out-loud humor. Yet, the novel, (subtitled: An Extremely Organized Series of Relationships) stays just on the right side of cleverness. While Shelley obviously has a facility with language, it’s his vibrant characters that take center stage. The deft turn of a phrase never exists for its own sake, but always to deepen the characters, most importantly Jack and his three “constants”: often-dramatic Kip, quietly supportive Kennedy, and straight-guy-with-a-heart-of-gold Shawn.
It’s to Shelley’s credit that these characters never become simply “types.” Even the briefest of encounters (such as the grocery store flirtation with Whole Foods clerk Mitchell, the “M” of the book) present fully-fleshed characters. Readers will respond to Jack’s adventures with a “been there” sense of familiarity, but the situations and personalities are always just a step off from the expected, creating an anticipation of the next curve ball that Shelley throws us.
This major new novel by an up-and-coming gay writer is the perfect vacation read. With one exception: you won’t leave this one behind in the hotel room when you’re finished.
-Rich Rubin
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Giovanni's Room - Saving Our Bookstores
After hearing that Giovanni's Room still needs approximately $30K to pay for the renovations to restore a brick wall that had threatened the building's stability, I've decided to donate all the proceeds from purchases of The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes between now and the end of 2009 made at Giovanni's Room directly to the bookstore. This will include publishing costs as well, so the entire $16 for the book will go directly to the store in the hopes that in some small way, this will help to keep the oldest operating gay- and lesbian-interest bookstore in the country in business and making a profit.
If you happen to be in the Philadelphia area between now and Christmas, please take a moment to drop by Giovanni's Room, located at the corner of 12th and Pine Streets, to help a local bookstore!
If you happen to be in the Philadelphia area between now and Christmas, please take a moment to drop by Giovanni's Room, located at the corner of 12th and Pine Streets, to help a local bookstore!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
apex
I'm happy to report The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes rises one spot on the Giovanni's Room best-seller list to #1!
And... my first book, A Boy Less Ordinary, re-enters the list at #3!
Special thanks to all my wonderful friends in Philadelphia for coming out to support me in such huge numbers!
Love!
Newslink: PGN
And... my first book, A Boy Less Ordinary, re-enters the list at #3!
Special thanks to all my wonderful friends in Philadelphia for coming out to support me in such huge numbers!
Love!
Newslink: PGN
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Book Signing Event for The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes Draws Huge Crowd
As seen in PhillyGayCalendar:
Book Signing Event for The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes Draws Huge Crowd
Philadelphia, PA - Local gay bookstore Giovanni's Room, which is currently undergoing renovations to rebuild a brick wall that is threatening the building's stability, got a boost of support this weekend with the book signing event for Fredric Joss Shelley's latest novel, The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes. The new release from Shelley, which follows up his successful debut, A Boy Less Ordinary, drew a large crowd, many of whom waited in anticipation by lining up outside of the oldest operating gay and lesbian interest bookstore in the country.
"It's overwhelming to see this kind of reception," Shelley stated. "A writer always hopes to connect with an audience, but I'm very lucky to see this much interest so far."
Shelley's latest novel is a romantic comedy told in twenty-six chapters, from A to Z, with each chapter devoted to a character (a "would-be" prince) that intersects with the romantic lead. Already on the best-seller list at Giovanni's Room, The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes has been generating a quiet buzz for weeks. Shelley credits his success to strong media support.
"Philadelphia's LGBT community has a really strong network devoted to giving artists like myself a much-needed boost," Shelley said. "Many people struggle to get their work seen or heard, so I'm very fortunate to have had such tremendous support from the community. That's certainly not something to take for granted."
Shelley is best known to the Philadelphia arts scene for his formerly syndicated column Six Degrees of Hayden, as well as his writing and acting work with local theater groups like The Dumpsta Players and Uncut Productions. His appearance at Giovanni's Room, which was a hotly anticipated event, brought out even more numbers than the bookstore had expected,
"We're very honored to have Fred here as one of Philly's great talents. Tonight's response shows how much people think of him as both an artist and a person," Giovanni's Room owner Ed Hermance said.
According to Shelley, the feeling is mutual.
"Giovanni's Room has always been supportive of the things I've done, from charity functions to keeping my books in stock on the shelf. I'm really excited to have this kind of response so I can be there for them just as they have been there for me."
Readers turned out in abundance to support the author as well as Giovanni's Room, which began renovations just a few short weeks ago. The bookstore, founded in 1973, is hoping to raise an estimated $50,000 to cover the cost of the renovations.
When asked what's next on Shelley's plate, the ambitious author mentioned work on his already-in-progress third novel, as well as supporting his fellow artists.
"There's always something going on with the artistic company I keep. I can't wait to see what they are going to create in the coming months. But after all this excitement tonight, I'm just hoping the adrenaline doesn't keep me up too late. I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep - preferably with lots of pillows."
The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes is now available locally at Giovanni's Room and online on Amazon.
Book Signing Event for The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes Draws Huge Crowd
Philadelphia, PA - Local gay bookstore Giovanni's Room, which is currently undergoing renovations to rebuild a brick wall that is threatening the building's stability, got a boost of support this weekend with the book signing event for Fredric Joss Shelley's latest novel, The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes. The new release from Shelley, which follows up his successful debut, A Boy Less Ordinary, drew a large crowd, many of whom waited in anticipation by lining up outside of the oldest operating gay and lesbian interest bookstore in the country.
"It's overwhelming to see this kind of reception," Shelley stated. "A writer always hopes to connect with an audience, but I'm very lucky to see this much interest so far."
Shelley's latest novel is a romantic comedy told in twenty-six chapters, from A to Z, with each chapter devoted to a character (a "would-be" prince) that intersects with the romantic lead. Already on the best-seller list at Giovanni's Room, The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes has been generating a quiet buzz for weeks. Shelley credits his success to strong media support.
"Philadelphia's LGBT community has a really strong network devoted to giving artists like myself a much-needed boost," Shelley said. "Many people struggle to get their work seen or heard, so I'm very fortunate to have had such tremendous support from the community. That's certainly not something to take for granted."
Shelley is best known to the Philadelphia arts scene for his formerly syndicated column Six Degrees of Hayden, as well as his writing and acting work with local theater groups like The Dumpsta Players and Uncut Productions. His appearance at Giovanni's Room, which was a hotly anticipated event, brought out even more numbers than the bookstore had expected,
"We're very honored to have Fred here as one of Philly's great talents. Tonight's response shows how much people think of him as both an artist and a person," Giovanni's Room owner Ed Hermance said.
According to Shelley, the feeling is mutual.
"Giovanni's Room has always been supportive of the things I've done, from charity functions to keeping my books in stock on the shelf. I'm really excited to have this kind of response so I can be there for them just as they have been there for me."
Readers turned out in abundance to support the author as well as Giovanni's Room, which began renovations just a few short weeks ago. The bookstore, founded in 1973, is hoping to raise an estimated $50,000 to cover the cost of the renovations.
When asked what's next on Shelley's plate, the ambitious author mentioned work on his already-in-progress third novel, as well as supporting his fellow artists.
"There's always something going on with the artistic company I keep. I can't wait to see what they are going to create in the coming months. But after all this excitement tonight, I'm just hoping the adrenaline doesn't keep me up too late. I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep - preferably with lots of pillows."
The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes is now available locally at Giovanni's Room and online on Amazon.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Local 'Player' Pens Romantic Fantasy
Profile in the Philadelphia Gay News:
Even though he’s an independently published author, Fredric Joss Shelley, 35, has a lot to live up to with his long-awaited second novel.
His first book, 2002’s “A Boy Less Ordinary,” was based on his ”Six Degrees of Hayden columns,” which enjoyed a six-year run in various gay publications on the East Coast. His fans and readers eagerly kept up with the exploits of Hayden, a highly extroverted gay socialite in search of unconditional love.
Shelley aims to build on his success with his sophomore effort, “The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes,” which follows a gay man embarking on a romantic quest, with his “would-be” princes occurring in alphabetical order.
Shelley said his fantastical premise comes from some of his favorite films.
“I get a lot of my inspiration from film — movies like ‘Amélie,’ ‘Lars and the Real Girl’ and ‘Phoebe in Wonderland,’” he said. “There’s a balance of simplicity but they have a creative approach to introducing you to a character’s world. When I see films like that or read a book that has a similar feel, they attract me right away. I wanted to create something that was similar to that.”
And while “Princes” is a romantic comedy like his first novel, Shelley said the creative process for this book was different.
“The discipline of outlining and researching was more intense because it was all in one fell swoop as opposed to doing it as you go along in spurts,” he said. ”Just staying focused was a big challenge.”
He added that the main character is not based on his life.
“I think a lot of people had me tagged as Hayden in the book I wrote last. So I decided to go the opposite way and have something that was a little bit opposite of myself.”
Given the celluloid sources that fired Shelley’s imagination, it’s not surprising that he could picture his writings on the big screen someday. But he is cautious about the idea.
“It’s a double-edged sword,” he said. “As a reader, I’m very protective of the characters that I read and always saying things like the book was so much better than the movie because you adopt, in your mind, what you envision that world being like. So it’s hard to have a movie meet the expectation. But I’d certainly like to see someone try.”
When Shelley isn’t writing, he’s acting, most often locally with the Dumpsta Players. Shelley said performing with the irreverent comedy troupe has helped his writing.
“They both work in tandem,” he said. “Acting lends itself to the writing process. When you act, you have to develop a background for the character and your motivations. You’re taking a step further than what’s on paper. In some way, you’re writing a story yourself. It’s apples and oranges to me. I get fulfillment out of both because both of those options give me a chance to be creative. When I first went to see a Dumpsta Players show, I though it was really eccentric, whether that’s good or bad. There was a bit of both, but I was immediately drawn to that. One of the things I like most about the Dumpsta Players is there’s always the ability to surprise. In 13 years, with every single show, there’s some element of it where I think, how did you get away with that? So as a writer you don’t want to be too obvious. You want to be able to give readers something that familiar but you don’t want them to predict everything that comes along. You want to give them a little bit of shock here and there.”
Shelley hosts a reading at 5:30 p.m. Sept. 19 at Giovanni’s Room, 345 S. 12th St.
Even though he’s an independently published author, Fredric Joss Shelley, 35, has a lot to live up to with his long-awaited second novel.
His first book, 2002’s “A Boy Less Ordinary,” was based on his ”Six Degrees of Hayden columns,” which enjoyed a six-year run in various gay publications on the East Coast. His fans and readers eagerly kept up with the exploits of Hayden, a highly extroverted gay socialite in search of unconditional love.
Shelley aims to build on his success with his sophomore effort, “The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes,” which follows a gay man embarking on a romantic quest, with his “would-be” princes occurring in alphabetical order.
Shelley said his fantastical premise comes from some of his favorite films.
“I get a lot of my inspiration from film — movies like ‘Amélie,’ ‘Lars and the Real Girl’ and ‘Phoebe in Wonderland,’” he said. “There’s a balance of simplicity but they have a creative approach to introducing you to a character’s world. When I see films like that or read a book that has a similar feel, they attract me right away. I wanted to create something that was similar to that.”
And while “Princes” is a romantic comedy like his first novel, Shelley said the creative process for this book was different.
“The discipline of outlining and researching was more intense because it was all in one fell swoop as opposed to doing it as you go along in spurts,” he said. ”Just staying focused was a big challenge.”
He added that the main character is not based on his life.
“I think a lot of people had me tagged as Hayden in the book I wrote last. So I decided to go the opposite way and have something that was a little bit opposite of myself.”
Given the celluloid sources that fired Shelley’s imagination, it’s not surprising that he could picture his writings on the big screen someday. But he is cautious about the idea.
“It’s a double-edged sword,” he said. “As a reader, I’m very protective of the characters that I read and always saying things like the book was so much better than the movie because you adopt, in your mind, what you envision that world being like. So it’s hard to have a movie meet the expectation. But I’d certainly like to see someone try.”
When Shelley isn’t writing, he’s acting, most often locally with the Dumpsta Players. Shelley said performing with the irreverent comedy troupe has helped his writing.
“They both work in tandem,” he said. “Acting lends itself to the writing process. When you act, you have to develop a background for the character and your motivations. You’re taking a step further than what’s on paper. In some way, you’re writing a story yourself. It’s apples and oranges to me. I get fulfillment out of both because both of those options give me a chance to be creative. When I first went to see a Dumpsta Players show, I though it was really eccentric, whether that’s good or bad. There was a bit of both, but I was immediately drawn to that. One of the things I like most about the Dumpsta Players is there’s always the ability to surprise. In 13 years, with every single show, there’s some element of it where I think, how did you get away with that? So as a writer you don’t want to be too obvious. You want to be able to give readers something that familiar but you don’t want them to predict everything that comes along. You want to give them a little bit of shock here and there.”
Shelley hosts a reading at 5:30 p.m. Sept. 19 at Giovanni’s Room, 345 S. 12th St.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Interview with NightlifeGay.com
Here's an interview with NightlifeGay.com:
Local Philadelphia author Fredric Joss Shelley follows up his successful compilation A Boy Less Ordinary with the long-awaited new novel, The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes, which is already on the bestsellers list at Philly’s own Giovanni’s Room and online nationwide through Amazon. Nightlifegay.com caught up with Freddy to ask him some questions about the new book:
So, tell us about the new novel. What is it about?
It’s about a character named Jack who happens to meet a series of people – or “would-be princes” – in alphabetical order. The book is told in 26 chapters, with each chapter dedicated to a different person. First, there’s Aaron, then Ben, and so on. I had a lot of fun creating ways that Jack meets each “prince,” so hopefully readers will find it pretty interesting as well.
What inspired you to write this particular book?
I wanted to create something that was a little different than what people have come to expect from me, but also keep it light and funny at the same time. I was interested in writing a gay romantic comedy, but I wanted to challenge myself to tell the story in a way that didn’t fall victim to some of the clichés I’ve read in other gay literature. The alphabetical theme was something that just popped up in my head along the way.
You’ve also done some theater work in Philly. How has that influenced your writing?
I’m completely different on a stage than I am in person. I’m more laid back and reserved in person, but when I’m “on,” I tend to do just about anything to go for the laughs. What I like best about what I’ve been able to do as a writer and an actor is that you can look at the body of work on the surface and see the humor right away, but if you dig a little deeper, you’ll always find another message just under the surface. Comedy is very challenging in that way. It takes a lot to be funny, but it takes a lot more to have something else going on, too.
When did you know you would be a writer?
I was always making up stories and plays as a kid. My elementary school teachers were really cool about letting me read whatever I wrote to the class. Most of the people I went to school with still Facebook me once in a while about all the funny stories I wrote back then.
Who are your influences?
I read a lot of children’s literature for inspiration. In children’s literature, there aren’t as many boundaries like there are in adult fiction. And, underneath all that imagery and fantasy, there’s always a hidden message about something so basic and true. I guess that’s a theme with me – I like to enjoy something on a surface level, and then I like going back to it to find the hidden messages.
What are you working on next?
Acting-wise, I’m always writing and acting with The Dumpsta Players when I can fit it in my schedule. I’m also working on a book called James and the Imaginary Boyfriend. It’s another gay romantic comedy that focuses on that one unlucky guy in a group of friends who never seems to have a boyfriend. Then, one day he does, and the book pretty much looks at different points of view – does he really have a boyfriend, or is he making it all up?
Freddy will be kicking off the launch of his new book, The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes, on Saturday, September 19, 2009 with a book signing at Giovanni’s Room, followed by an afterparty at Woody’s. Admission is free.
Local Philadelphia author Fredric Joss Shelley follows up his successful compilation A Boy Less Ordinary with the long-awaited new novel, The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes, which is already on the bestsellers list at Philly’s own Giovanni’s Room and online nationwide through Amazon. Nightlifegay.com caught up with Freddy to ask him some questions about the new book:
So, tell us about the new novel. What is it about?
It’s about a character named Jack who happens to meet a series of people – or “would-be princes” – in alphabetical order. The book is told in 26 chapters, with each chapter dedicated to a different person. First, there’s Aaron, then Ben, and so on. I had a lot of fun creating ways that Jack meets each “prince,” so hopefully readers will find it pretty interesting as well.
What inspired you to write this particular book?
I wanted to create something that was a little different than what people have come to expect from me, but also keep it light and funny at the same time. I was interested in writing a gay romantic comedy, but I wanted to challenge myself to tell the story in a way that didn’t fall victim to some of the clichés I’ve read in other gay literature. The alphabetical theme was something that just popped up in my head along the way.
You’ve also done some theater work in Philly. How has that influenced your writing?
I’m completely different on a stage than I am in person. I’m more laid back and reserved in person, but when I’m “on,” I tend to do just about anything to go for the laughs. What I like best about what I’ve been able to do as a writer and an actor is that you can look at the body of work on the surface and see the humor right away, but if you dig a little deeper, you’ll always find another message just under the surface. Comedy is very challenging in that way. It takes a lot to be funny, but it takes a lot more to have something else going on, too.
When did you know you would be a writer?
I was always making up stories and plays as a kid. My elementary school teachers were really cool about letting me read whatever I wrote to the class. Most of the people I went to school with still Facebook me once in a while about all the funny stories I wrote back then.
Who are your influences?
I read a lot of children’s literature for inspiration. In children’s literature, there aren’t as many boundaries like there are in adult fiction. And, underneath all that imagery and fantasy, there’s always a hidden message about something so basic and true. I guess that’s a theme with me – I like to enjoy something on a surface level, and then I like going back to it to find the hidden messages.
What are you working on next?
Acting-wise, I’m always writing and acting with The Dumpsta Players when I can fit it in my schedule. I’m also working on a book called James and the Imaginary Boyfriend. It’s another gay romantic comedy that focuses on that one unlucky guy in a group of friends who never seems to have a boyfriend. Then, one day he does, and the book pretty much looks at different points of view – does he really have a boyfriend, or is he making it all up?
Freddy will be kicking off the launch of his new book, The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes, on Saturday, September 19, 2009 with a book signing at Giovanni’s Room, followed by an afterparty at Woody’s. Admission is free.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
New Gay Romantic Comedy Hitting Bookstores This Fall
Press release, as featured on MySoCalledGayLife.com:Following the success of his self-published compilation, A Boy Less Ordinary, Fredric Joss Shelley marks his return with the long-awaited new novel, The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes. Princes is an inventive tale about Jack Bradley, a gay man embarking on a romantic quest, with “would-be” princes occurring in alphabetical order.
Shelley, a staple of the Philadelphia arts scene, has gained a loyal following as both a writer and actor through his numerous pursuits, including his memorable characters conceived and portrayed in cult-favorite comedy troupe The Dumpsta Players. Now in its thirteenth year, The Dumpsta Players, which has often been compared to sketch comedy acts like The Kids in the Hall, The Cockettes, and Saturday Night Live, is a monthly-themed interactive improvisational theatre experience that parodies society’s joys and ills in an irreverent and over-the-top style.
A Boy Less Ordinary, Fredric’s previous compilation, was based on his Six Degrees of Hayden columns, which ran for six years in various gay newspapers and zines on the East Coast. Readers followed the weekly misadventures of Hayden, a highly extroverted gay socialite on the run from malicious gossip and in search of unconditional love.
With his new novel, Shelley returns with another humorous take on the search for love featuring another affable and winning gay protagonist. Princes is an inventive tale about wanting to hold on and learning to let go; looking for love and allowing love to find you; and figuring out the rules and knowing when to break them. This is the story of one bachelor with twenty-six possibilities, from A to Z. This inspiring novel will take readers on an extraordinary journey full of amorous pursuits, zinger-spouting friends, and all the letters in between.
Deftly constructed at 201 pages, The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes is a realistic and contemporary novel whose perspective on modern-day gay romance will resonate with readers everywhere.
Fredric will officially kick off the launch of his new novel on Saturday, September 19th, 2009 at Philadelphia’s Giovanni’s Room (345 S. 12th Street, Philadelphia), with a book signing and reading by the author. The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes is now available on Amazon and will be available soon to online retailers nationwide.
Amazon.com : The Alphabetical List of Would-Be Princes
Thursday, August 6, 2009
verbal dysfunction
I often say the wrong words.
I blame this on two things - routine and being too rushed. For example, when I am in the checkout lane at a supermarket, the last words are often, "have a nice day" - to which I reply, "thanks, you too." However, sometimes cashiers trip me up by saying something completely random like "enjoy your (whatever)" - and then my knee-jerk reply of "thanks, you too" seems kind of automated and wrong. Then, I feel like an ass.
Other times I catch myself mid-sentence and miserably try to correct the error with half of the wrong sentence and half of the right one. The mishmash of pleasantries is sometimes so confusing to the ears that all I can do is laugh.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
holes
The following is something I wrote some time ago. I think about this passage every now and then because whenever I'm in a situation where I'm trying to fix something that isn't mine, I have to remind myself to keep my focus on me and let others handle their own stuff.
I see him exhausted from the effort. Holes, nothing but holes. The hurried movement of the shovel to fill them up. All this time spent filling up holes he doesn't recall ever having dug. Maybe they weren't his to begin with, but they are his now. No one wants to own a hole. A hole is only appealing once it's no longer a hole. A filled hole. A sewn one. Or something on top to conveniently hide it. I see him fixing. It's no longer relevant to him just how those holes became holes. There is no time to understand. Only fill. When there is no emptiness, he can rest. Maybe, once the land is level again, the others will come back. I know they won't - they won't because half of those holes were theirs. They gave them to him. No one wants to own a hole.
A hole could represent a number of things I'm sure - the past, skeletons in the closet, fear, insecurity, someone else's baggage. I find that once in a while I write these things without really consciously thinking about what they mean. I'm creating songs or poetry, and then several months later, I'll excavate and find them again and know exactly what I meant and what I'd been going through. Hindsight being 20/20 and all that. It's intriguing though how when you're in the middle of something - a hole if you will - sometimes you have no idea what you're doing there or what it all means.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
starry night
Tonight is one of those lay on a blanket and watch the stars kind of night.
Stars are easy to take for granted when they're visible night after night. You go about your business, knowing they are there, but for whatever reason, you don't look up. You are content with that feeling of knowing they are there - twinkling, falling, doing whatever they do in their lifetimes. Life on this Earth keeps the gaze level.
Stars aren't always visible in certain parts of the world. Cities especially have so much artificial light of their own, shielding all those city dwellers from the magnificence of stars. Suddenly, you realize much time has passed without having seen those stars. Constellations forgotten. Galaxies of stars spinning around some force unknown to us all. So much happening, and tons of people don't get to see it. Do they know what they're missing?
Sometimes I revel in the fact that now I can see the stars, after years of going about the everyday, not knowing what I've subconsciously missed. I wonder if they knew I'd inevitably look upward into the sky again, as semi-conscious about me as I'd been about them. I take this moment in, this chance to stop and breathe. This chance to stop running and just be. Here with the stars.
Just here.
Stars are easy to take for granted when they're visible night after night. You go about your business, knowing they are there, but for whatever reason, you don't look up. You are content with that feeling of knowing they are there - twinkling, falling, doing whatever they do in their lifetimes. Life on this Earth keeps the gaze level.
Stars aren't always visible in certain parts of the world. Cities especially have so much artificial light of their own, shielding all those city dwellers from the magnificence of stars. Suddenly, you realize much time has passed without having seen those stars. Constellations forgotten. Galaxies of stars spinning around some force unknown to us all. So much happening, and tons of people don't get to see it. Do they know what they're missing?
Sometimes I revel in the fact that now I can see the stars, after years of going about the everyday, not knowing what I've subconsciously missed. I wonder if they knew I'd inevitably look upward into the sky again, as semi-conscious about me as I'd been about them. I take this moment in, this chance to stop and breathe. This chance to stop running and just be. Here with the stars.
Just here.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
knowing me, knowing you
Know yourself.
When I was a teenager, I was always reading tons of "hippy-dippy" books from the self-help section of bookstores, in an effort to really understand myself as a person more. I was a confused kid with the weight of a lot of things on my shoulders, and it only made sense to look for answers somewhere. I'd drive 45 minutes north to the Borders bookstore just to sit for an hour or two on the floor and try to find a book that held some amazing truth.
I came across a book once that had a chapter titled "Know Yourself." For whatever reason, it stood out to me at the time. I wrote it down when I got home on a sheet of paper and tacked it to the wall. Most of the time, that piece of paper was easily forgotten, but occasionally I would see it and read it once more, taking in the words and thinking about what they really meant - thinking about what they really meant to me.
Now, many years later, I still find myself repeating those words in my head, sometimes consciously and sometimes subconsciously. Know yourself. It sounds simple enough, but there are times when the simple act of knowing yourself helps you gain clarity when you most need it.
I know my strengths, and I know my weaknesses. When I'm striving for something great, the act of knowing I'm persistent and brave can be all I need to push myself further toward achievement. And when I'm feeling less than okay (knowing that I'm human and have limitations), being self aware of myself helps give permission to just live in the funk for a little while and know that it will soon pass. I know myself, and it makes all the difference.
When I was a teenager, I was always reading tons of "hippy-dippy" books from the self-help section of bookstores, in an effort to really understand myself as a person more. I was a confused kid with the weight of a lot of things on my shoulders, and it only made sense to look for answers somewhere. I'd drive 45 minutes north to the Borders bookstore just to sit for an hour or two on the floor and try to find a book that held some amazing truth.
I came across a book once that had a chapter titled "Know Yourself." For whatever reason, it stood out to me at the time. I wrote it down when I got home on a sheet of paper and tacked it to the wall. Most of the time, that piece of paper was easily forgotten, but occasionally I would see it and read it once more, taking in the words and thinking about what they really meant - thinking about what they really meant to me.
Now, many years later, I still find myself repeating those words in my head, sometimes consciously and sometimes subconsciously. Know yourself. It sounds simple enough, but there are times when the simple act of knowing yourself helps you gain clarity when you most need it.
I know my strengths, and I know my weaknesses. When I'm striving for something great, the act of knowing I'm persistent and brave can be all I need to push myself further toward achievement. And when I'm feeling less than okay (knowing that I'm human and have limitations), being self aware of myself helps give permission to just live in the funk for a little while and know that it will soon pass. I know myself, and it makes all the difference.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
room to grow
We're constantly evolving. I like that about us.
I have friends who are all in states of transition. Who we become sometimes means we say goodbye to the older versions of ourselves. It's difficult because in some cases, it may take a lot of time to fully accept this within ourselves. I have friends who are making changes - big changes - but still expect things to be like they were. I never know what to say to this. I don't want to bullshit them and say that they can have it both ways because most of the time, you can't. As a friend, what do you say, if anything?
I have other friends who are going through changes where the people around them don't want to accept the new person they are becoming. That's even tougher because sometimes if people can't accept us for who we are becoming, we run the risk of second guessing change and going back to who we once were. I get sad sometimes when I see a friend of mine striking out on their own and claiming a certain independence, only to be influenced by the judgment of others. I wish there was a way to make them see that those voices don't matter, but I've been there. I know what it's like to let the weight of other voices hold me down. It would be hypocritical to say I'm cured because I know I am not, even if I'm getting much better at handling the pressure.
I still feel that pressure, and sometimes I have to remind myself that the direction I've chosen is ultimately for the better. I can't change the fact that despite whatever I choose for myself, people are going to see me the way they want to see me. Some of them will refuse to see me as anything else. I have to accept this and realize I can only change me, not others... but I also have to stay determined and focused, to not let this deter me from what I want in life. Change is necessary. It might not be easy, but what in life is?
So, change will happen, again and again. Big changes, little ones. Sacrifices might be made. Friendships may evolve - or fade altogether. When we decide who we are to become, we do this for ourselves. We don't base our decisions on what will benefit everyone around us because ultimately that isn't fair to ourselves. And that's okay. Listening to what you want and allowing yourself to grow is an important step in growing up. And as old as we become, there is always room to grow.
I have friends who are all in states of transition. Who we become sometimes means we say goodbye to the older versions of ourselves. It's difficult because in some cases, it may take a lot of time to fully accept this within ourselves. I have friends who are making changes - big changes - but still expect things to be like they were. I never know what to say to this. I don't want to bullshit them and say that they can have it both ways because most of the time, you can't. As a friend, what do you say, if anything?
I have other friends who are going through changes where the people around them don't want to accept the new person they are becoming. That's even tougher because sometimes if people can't accept us for who we are becoming, we run the risk of second guessing change and going back to who we once were. I get sad sometimes when I see a friend of mine striking out on their own and claiming a certain independence, only to be influenced by the judgment of others. I wish there was a way to make them see that those voices don't matter, but I've been there. I know what it's like to let the weight of other voices hold me down. It would be hypocritical to say I'm cured because I know I am not, even if I'm getting much better at handling the pressure.
I still feel that pressure, and sometimes I have to remind myself that the direction I've chosen is ultimately for the better. I can't change the fact that despite whatever I choose for myself, people are going to see me the way they want to see me. Some of them will refuse to see me as anything else. I have to accept this and realize I can only change me, not others... but I also have to stay determined and focused, to not let this deter me from what I want in life. Change is necessary. It might not be easy, but what in life is?
So, change will happen, again and again. Big changes, little ones. Sacrifices might be made. Friendships may evolve - or fade altogether. When we decide who we are to become, we do this for ourselves. We don't base our decisions on what will benefit everyone around us because ultimately that isn't fair to ourselves. And that's okay. Listening to what you want and allowing yourself to grow is an important step in growing up. And as old as we become, there is always room to grow.
Friday, July 10, 2009
shaking the globe
An old diary entry that fits just as much now as it did then:
There's a bit of a snow globe effect on my life at the moment. For a while, it was all there resting peacefully, and then I decided to just pick it up and shake it, just to watch the pieces stir about for a bit. I can feel everything finding its place, the picture looking similar to what it used to look like, but still slightly different than before the commotion. It's good to find the calm again.
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